Julie Luffman – A Path To Resilience And Growth Through Positive Psychology

Julie Luffman

Registered Nurse

Alumni: Christchurch, New Zealand, April 2024

***Sensitive Topic Disclaimer***
This story touches on sensitive topics, including grief, loss, and suicide. Please be mindful as you read, and reach out to a healthcare professional if you, or someone you know, is struggling.

A Path to Resilience and Growth Through Positive Psychology

Julie’s story is one of profound loss, resilience, and personal transformation.

After the totally unexpected death of her only child and daughter Zoe to suicide, Julie faced overwhelming grief that threatened to unravel her life. What followed wasn’t just a story of enduring hardship — it was a journey of profound change propelled by the principles of Positive Psychology.

A Year of Loss and Exhaustion

In mid-2022, Julie’s world came crashing down. The sudden loss of Zoe, followed by the deaths of her mother-in-law a few weeks later and an unwell father-in-law, left her emotionally and physically drained. Julie tried counselling and found that it wasn’t the right fit. “It felt passive. I needed something more active to help me rebuild my shattered life,” she shares.

Instead, Julie found support in the grief-specific online community Coping with Loss formed by Dr Lucy Hone, where she first encountered Lucy’s work on resilience in grief.

“I knew I was in the right place,” Julie says, recalling how Lucy’s insights in her Resilient Grieving (RG) book, recommended by many in the group, began to shift her perspective.

That was when Julie first came across the transformative power of Positive Psychology — an approach that would ultimately become a cornerstone of her making those small shifts to face each day following such a traumatising loss.

A Turning Point: Resilient Grieving and Positive Psychology

It was Lucy’s RG book that gave Julie her first glimmer of hope after months of darkness. “It saved my sanity,” Julie reflects. “For the first time, I felt like I could survive this intense loss and grief, and it made me really laugh in places. Who expects that in a grief book!”

Throughout the book, Julie discovered the science behind resilience and how a positive outlook — rooted in evidence-based research — could help her navigate even the deepest of grief while also acknowledging that grief never leaves; however, it is possible to live and grieve.

Lucy’s work helped Julie build the foundation she needed to start piecing her life back together. After enrolling in the A Better Way to Grieve course, Julie realised that Positive Psychology could play an even more active role in her path forward. “This course deepened my understanding of grief and resilience,” she shares. ”It was extremely powerful.”

The Next Step: A New Path – the Diploma of Positive Psychology and Wellbeing

Months after completing the grief course, Lucy suggested Julie explore the Diploma of Positive Psychology and Wellbeing (DPP), a suggestion Julie hesitated to take at first. The DPP wasn’t grief-specific, yet Julie recognised that it could be beneficial in her continuing journey to rebuild her world and would expand on topics previously covered.

“I wasn’t sure how I would use it, but I trusted the process,” Julie recalls. “What did I have to lose?” Curiosity, a thirst to learn more and the chance to work with Denise also helped sway the internal debate.

Julie’s decision to enrol in the DPP was a leap of faith and one that proved transformative. “A special mention and thanks to Tilly Stevens, who answered the many questions I had about the DPP and summarised it by stating: ‘I don't think you will regret it. Even if all you do is use it on yourself.’ Wise words which hit the mark,” Julie says.

Working directly with Denise Quinlan in an in-person setting in Christchurch, Julie found that the course provided more than just academic knowledge—it became a tool for personal growth and understanding. “I had experienced online courses with Denise before, but there was something incredibly powerful about experiencing her face-to-face, in a room,” Julie says. “I felt supported in a way that gave me the courage to face my grief head-on.” Denise exudes an aura of vast knowledge and engagement, along with sensitivity and calmness.

A Journey of Vulnerability and Strength

Walking into the DPP course on the first day, Julie was filled with vulnerability. “I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to explain what had happened,” she admits. Yet it was in this vulnerability that Julie began to see the power of the course’s framework for her. “The principles of Positive Psychology aren’t just about thinking positively — they’re about understanding yourself, building strengths, and developing the resilience to navigate life’s toughest challenges,” she says.

Sharing her grief story with a group of strangers was an emotional challenge, yet it seeped out over the week as the group gelled.

While the course wasn’t always easy — there were moments of emotional difficulty, especially during discussions about family life — Julie realised that the DPP was expanding her tools to navigate her grief in a way she never had before. “Some of the discussions about parenting were hard to hear, but I knew I was there to grow, not just in relation to my grief, but in all aspects of my life,” Julie reflects.

The assignments in the course proved to be particularly cathartic. Through exercises on strengths and goals, Julie found clarity in her own mind and also saw how these tools helped others. “It was incredible to see how the principles of Positive Psychology could support others in such meaningful ways, especially when they were going through similar difficulties.”

Unexpected Strengths and Flourishing

Julie was taken aback by the results of her initial Wellbeing and Flourishing (Work on Wellbeing) assessment — despite the devastating loss she had endured, she found that she had higher scores than expected in terms of happiness and wellbeing.

That was a real testament to Lucy’s grief work, book and course. “It showed me how much I had already learnt about positive psychology,” she says.

The DPP developed this further: “And it was a testament to how the course unravelled during the week and the weeks that followed; it assisted me to find new meaning, purpose and goals in my life.”

The DPP helped Julie connect with her inner strengths, something that was often hidden beneath the layers of grief. “Friends, people commented on my strength and resilience but I think that’s what everyone says after a sudden unexpected traumatic loss,” Julie explains. “But this course helped me understand how much of those strengths I had within me all along and, yes, I had been using them looking back.”

A Life-Changing Experience, Inside and Out

Julie’s experience with the DPP has transformed her personal life and also shaped the way she engages with the world. “I share what I’ve learned with others informally, and it’s been amazing to see how these concepts can help people,” she says. “The course showed me that Positive Psychology isn’t just about making positive changes in your own life — it’s about understanding how your wellbeing impacts everyone around you.”

Reflecting on her experience, Julie believes that Positive Psychology should be more widely taught, especially in schools and colleges. “In today’s world, young people particularly are facing such unparalleled negativity and change in our world, and that negativity is highlighted constantly in the media. We need more positive stories,” she says. “Positive Psychology could really change the way we view ourselves and the world and give everyone, particularly our youth, the tools to help navigate tough times.”

For Julie, the DPP was another step forward that helped her during the most difficult time of her life and, in doing so, provided her with the resilience, tools, and confidence to rebuild her future. It is a work in progress.

She now uses her story and the knowledge she gained to help others, knowing that no matter what life throws our way, there is always the possibility of growth and hope.

 

Final Notes:

Suicide Stigma: The loss of a loved one to suicide is often met with stigma and confusion. Julie’s story emphasises the suddenness of such tragedies, which often come without warning, highlighting the need for compassion and understanding.

Give yourself time: We want to acknowledge that Julie’s path progressed to Positive Psychology and the Diploma. It is important to allow yourself time to do what you need to do first and work through your grief until there is enough capacity for post-traumatic growth. Everyone grieves differently, and there’s no “right” way to process loss.

Toolkit for Self-Care: Positive Psychology offers tools for self-growth and emotional resilience, which are crucial for adults and young people. Teaching these principles early can provide the foundation for navigating life’s challenges and times of adversity.

Want to build your resilience toolkit?

Start your journey with the Langley Group Institute and discover science-backed tools that work. Enrol in the next intake or book a call to learn more.